TOILETS I HAVE MET

            It all began with my Great Aunt Clara’s outhouse in the countryside. I do not have any special memories of the house, but I have pictures of its flowery beauty. The outhouse was located just outside of the large farmhouse and we often visited there, and it, when I was a child. I was in Grade School before she had a septic tank, along with a shower, installed. Aunt Clara got around with a walker then so indoor plumbing was a very welcome addition.

            For the first six years of my life, we lived in hotels so there is not much to say there. However, during those years I went to the movies at least twice a week and learned to use the toilets in those establishments. Most men will recall that the toilet bowls and urinals were usually full of cigarette butts. Since often the movies I saw were about wars and cowboys (it was the 1940s) I found it very challenging to see if I could “shoot” down the butts open while peeing at them there in the bowls. I got pretty good at it.

            Of course, I left this childish game behind me when I became a man. However, when traveling around the world I discovered that Mr. Crapper’s (real name) invention was not always recognizable as one moved from country to country. I recall that when my young son had to have a toilet on our way driving from Athens to Delphi in Greece the only thing available at the roadside café was a hole in the ground. Learning to squat rather than sit was one of his most memorable experiences.

            When we were camping here in the US it was often necessary, and helpful, to find a friendly log on which to perch while relieving oneself. Sometimes, however, this technique led to the discovery of an ant’s nest or, worse, a hornet’s nest. And even when camping in “official” campgrounds it was always necessary to remember to bring paper with you. Over time I learned these lessons the hard way.  As a youngster, I sometimes came home with a messy pair of pants. Even when living with my Grand folks I found it difficult to ignore my Grand Dad’s jokingly banging on the door and hollering “Hey, don’t bed-down in there.”

            My most difficult and maybe the funniest lesson in this school of hard-luck came when we were visiting the home of one of my students in China. There were only two rooms for him, us, his parents, and his 93-year-old grandmother. When I had to make a move in the middle of the night, my wife helped me locate the only toilet (outdoors!) and waited while a fumbled in the dark trying to balance the flashlight, my pants, and the paper over a small hole in the ground. I guess I was successful, but I never saw the damages. The most important lesson from all this is: never travel without some sort of discardable paper in your pocket.         

WHAT ABOUT SAINT PAUL?

     For all of my criticisms of Paul of Tarsus I must in the end admit that he was a, if not the, key pivot point in the origin of the Christian Religion. On the one hand, I think he invented the whole “sacrificial atonement” business and manipulated several other unfortunate twists and turns in Christian theology. Worst of all, he completely ignored the life and teachings of Jesus himself, focusing exclusively on his death and resurrection. On the other hand, however, Paul opened the way for gentiles to join with Jews in creating the Christian faith. This was a very surprising and wonderful turn of events. Moreover, he also saw to it that women believers received their rightful place in the newly formed Christian Church.

     For me, perhaps the most astounding and impressive accomplishment of Paul’s career was the way he undertook to spread the Christian message nearly all over the then known Western world. He made three missionary journeys throughout the Mediterranean world by foot (and donkey?) introducing Jews and gentiles alike to his message about the Christ (not really Jesus). Not only were these journeys long and difficult, but several times his life was beaten, seriously threatened with death, and he was imprisoned. Finally, he made a courageous trip, including a shipwreck, to Rome in order to put his case against the Jews on trial before the Emperor.

            No one knows what happened to him after he reached Rome. He was still in prison there when the Book of Acts concludes without a clue about what would eventually happen to him. One tradition has it that he was eventually put to death (Crucified?) by the Roman officials, but there is no convincing evidence to this effect. Along the way of his journeys Paul established numerous young churches throughout what is now Turkey and Greece. He also kept in touch with the “Mother Church” in Jerusalem and raised money for some of the other churches. All of this because he believed, and lived, the claim that God had intervened in our world’s affairs in the person of Jesus, especially at his death, and would soon come to set the whole world straight. He preached and taught that jesus would soon return to earth and set up his Kingdom.

            When one considers the limitations of his days as regards distances and conditions, it is simply amazing that Paul accomplished and survived all these things. The sheer physical strength needed to walk all those miles and deal with all that hostility staggers my imagination. He was, in fact, perhaps the sole reason the world has ever heard of Jesus of Nazareth. Even though one can well imagine that he was rather a cantankerous, bossy character, the fact remains that Paul was the primary reason the Christian religion has existed and grown down through the ages and still exists today. As much as I reject much of his theology, I stand in awe of his intellect, strength and courage. He really had nothing to gain from all his sacrifice, and he died in ignominy.

            You may have noticed that I have as yet said nothing about Paul’s many writings. While he was travelling all over the New Testament region, he was also writing letters to the folks at the churches he had started. About a dozen of the books, or letters, of the New Testament seem to have been clearly written by Paul. A couple of these, Romans and Galatians, contain some very deep thought and insights. Indeed, they are the very foundation of much of Christian theology. We need totake time and imagine what sort of education and perseverance must have gone into writing these letters to his newly founded churches. Very few people in his day knew how to write at all, let alone to write deeply and clearly about such theological issues as did Paul. Although it is clear that none of his original writings have survived, it is also clear that his was an enormous intellect.

            One can imagine Paul hunched over a table before a candlelight scribbling away in an effort to make his understanding of the Christian Faith clear and forceful. Then these letters had to be delivered somehow to folks in other parts of the then Western world. So, in spite of my misgivings about Paul’s theology, my hat is off to him for his intellect, courage, and some of his theological insights. I still think that he nearly completely misunderstood the nature of Jesus’ death and teachings (which he never mentions, because he never heard him teach and none of the Gospels were yet written in his day). Nonetheless, Paul did manage to compose an understanding of Jesus’ message that brought together Jewish and Gentile believers.